The Diary of a Secret Tory MP: (Almost!) True Stories from the Heart of British Politics

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The Diary of a Secret Tory MP: (Almost!) True Stories from the Heart of British Politics

The Diary of a Secret Tory MP: (Almost!) True Stories from the Heart of British Politics

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Henry Morris should look a lot more stressed than he does, though it’s true that this is the first time I’ve met him (over Zoom), and he has such confident hair that it would be hard to see uncertainty beneath it. Morris started masquerading, too, as the Papua New Guinea Courier’s UK correspondent, and those columns – an outsider’s dry amusement cut with the howling indignation of the real UK citizen having to live through this clown show – are some of my favourite chronicles of our dark times. Finally, though, he decided that remaining anonymous was contributing to a fake news environment and he should out himself. Meanwhile Ellie was working on dance music shows for BBC Radio 1, and Morris “got to know loads of people in the music industry who had two or three pretty lame anecdotes about the time they did something wacky. Lots of Conservative MPs were following him on Twitter; people started to slide into his DMs to congratulate him on a point well landed, or make suggestions.

View image in fullscreen ‘Everyone seems to be preoccupied with my mullet’ … Morris at his home in Wales. Join the mystery MP as he drunk-texts Liz Truss after a crate of WKD, accompanies Jacob Rees-Mogg (and his kids) to picket a foodbank, takes on the French in the ‘Trawler Wars’, and euthanises Rishi Sunak’s dog – and that’s just October.

Henry Morris couldn’t be further from the Westminster bubble, but for years he has lampooned MPs online. Over the next year or so, though, the adage of master satirist Chris Morris started to weigh on him. He is still personal training (remotely), chopping logs, learning Welsh and working on a sitcom idea. Before that, he’d gone to a “not very good comprehensive school, which I hated”, then became an auxiliary nurse, “which is the hardest amount of work you can do for the least amount of money.

View image in fullscreen ‘We had these baronesses, lords and millionaires coming in to the gym where I was a personal trainer.The Diary of a Secret Tory MP is an outrageous spoof of the classic political journal that pulls back the Lulu Lytle curtains to expose extraordinary goings-on at Westminster across a tumultuous twelve months. I kept thinking: ‘You’re sitting in the House of Lords and I can run rings around you in an argument if I have to. As his personal training business grew, he was working at a gym with two friends who “were also reformed characters; they’d been in even more scrapes than I had when I was younger.

Surprisingly literate, The Secret Tory is also behind the trenchant and insightful Papua New Guinea Courier, also available via his twitter page.The 2019 Conservative MPs are self-interested, they’re corrupt, they’re mean-spirited, largely stupid and, as far as I can tell, filling their helicopters and firing up the shredders before they get booted out at the next election.

From Brexit to Covid, parties to pig culling, the Conservative government has lurched from crisis to crisis.He and Ellie started Field Maneuvers, a no-frills rave spanning a weekend, which is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year. He would tweet imagined WhatsApp messages between ministers, Alice in Wonderland fantasias that disappeared into the wilds of Liz Truss’s ignorance and Jacob Rees-Mogg’s creepiness. Into that happy but high-stakes scene, Morris dropped a hand grenade last Wednesday: a video revealing that the Secret Tory, a Twitter account lampooning Conservatives from a thousand directions, has been him all along. I’d always thought [about politicians]: ‘There are some bad apples but largely they are trying to make the world a better place. Nobody was in any doubt that it was parody, but somehow, between the dense and granular detail, and the playful, insidery tone, people thought he was very close to the action; a special adviser, maybe?

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